No Going Back
by Meggin Lane
Summary: Set right after 4.22-Dean always tried to keep his little brother safe, tried to protect him from being changed by the horrors and the injuries and the life they’ve had to lead but he couldn’t stop the change that Sam did to himself.
1. Chapter 1

No Going Back

Set right after 4.22-Dean always tried to keep his little brother safe, tried to protect him from being changed by the horrors and the injuries and the life they've had to lead but he couldn't stop the change that Sam did to himself.

Don't own 'em, just love 'em. Wish ta hell I worked for Kripke.

The wonderful thing about this site is the inspiration the writers here offer each other in terms of encouragement and bouncing ideas around to help to make the process of getting more out of our imaginations than we ever thought possible. This story would never have been written if it were not for the inspiration of two such writers. claire beaubien and her story "Hands" and staceycj and her story "Demon Eyes" They both took the ball to what might happen next for our boys and ran with it down two different paths and from their muse I saw a third road open up and tried my hand and going down it. That being said I fully acknowledge their inspiration for this. And as an aside to PlatinumRoseLady, Yes, there is a shower scene I wrote for your own enjoyment. Don't worry kids it's artistically done.

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For a million moments it seemed like Sam was frozen to the spot as the blinding bright light expanded from the hole at their feet and seemed to surround them. Dean couldn't get him to budge.

Dean tugged at his shirt again and again, "Come on Sam we gotta get out of here!" "NOW!" He yelled and the final pull got Sam off balance enough to jerk him around to face Dean and for a second it looked to Dean like there was an expression of rapture on his brother's face.

"Huh?" Sam's eyes blinked rapidly then focused. And his expression turned to fear.

Dean had seconds to think, _He's back,_ before he pulled and shoved Sam in front of himself as they both ran out of the convent.

They made a bee line for the small car and Dean rounded the drivers side and was about to slide in when a quick glance toward the passengers seat showed Sammy's torso still framed by the open door hesitating to get in.

"Damn!" Dean ran back around the car and pushed and shoved his brother' gargantuan frame into the vehicle before slamming the door shut. He sprinted back around and dove feet first into the drivers seat. His right foot punched the peddle as he floored the car in a turf n' gravel spray half way up the drive before careening on two wheels to head out to the nearest anywhere that was farthest from here.

Once he felt himself breath again Dean spared Sam a few quick glances and what he saw did not look good. Sam sat silent in the seat next to him. Well, almost silent. He was making a low keening sound, the kind of noise wounded wild animals make and shivering like he was cold but there was a sheen of glistening sweat coating his face. Shock. Had to be. _No telling what that demon bitch made Sam go through before I could kill her. _Then Dean remembered. _We could kill her_, _Sam had grabbed her so I could gank her_. _We offed the bitch... he was with me again_. Dean turned to really look at his brother then.

"We gotta find a place to crash." Dean said to him but got no reaction from the shivering man. "Sammy! You with me? You don't look so good and we gotta find a place to let you lie down." Still nothing.

Dean sighed his worry into the darkness of the night and pressed his foot down harder on the accelerator of the already speeding car.

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The first gas station they stopped at Dean got out to fill her up and decided to check into the trunk for anything that might make their escape easier.

That's when he found the body.

He closed the trunk lid slowly and casually. A cold sweat suddenly shimmered over him as he ran a hand down over his face and looked through the back window of the car at the hunched back of his brother. _Sammy, what did you do? Screw it, I know what you did_. Dean thought of the face of the woman and her bloody torn throat. _I know why you did it, you fuckin believed those lies that Ruby filled you with...well, hell. She screwed you six ways to Sunday, I wonder if you even believed you were savin' this civilian from something worse?"_

He'd have to ditch the car. Take time they didn't have to salt and burn the corpse. Hell, better yet torch the whole car; get rid of any traceable evidence Sam might have left behind. Dean straightened his shoulders walked with purpose into the convenience store to pick up the supplies. If anyone asked about the two cans of charcoal lighter fluid but no charcoal he'd tell them the stock lie-they were going camping.

The unknown woman's final resting place was behind an abandoned mill where empty factory windows weren't the only mute witnesses to the fire-engulfed vehicle that was now her funeral pyre.

Sam had stood by watching the car burn. His eyes, Dean thought as he studied his brother for a reaction, reflected the flames eerily. And though Sammy'd stopped shivering in the warmth of the blaze, even to Dean it was too macabre a thought to have his brother's shocky body warmed by the pyre's heat. So Dean tugged and nudged his brother over the wooded hill and boosted their next car from a mall parking lot a quarter mile away.

He drove all night.

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Sam still hadn't said a word but the keening had stopped after they drove away in the new stolen car. And about two hours into the drive he'd fallen asleep.

Dean looked over and studied his brother's face. And his heart pinched. It was the same face he'd seen sleeping on the passenger's side of the Impala for years, hell, forever. He had to get Sam back. Had to get the Sam that was inside, back behind that face.

"Sammy..." Dean spoke softly as he remembered better days and an answering "Hummphhhh?" came from the big sleeping man. _He's still in there_, " Dean couldn't believe how ridiculously relieved he was just to hear that garbled response. He smiled and wiped a stray tear that had leaked from his eye he was convinced if_ you're still in there than its all do-able bro, _he thought.

At about 8:00am Dean pulled the car into a typical no-tell motel.

"Hey," He said giving his brother's great shoulder a firm shake. "Time to wake up and go to sleep."

"Huhhhhhwhaaa?" was Sam's reply. Dean got out went around and opened Sam's door. He waited as his brother got out. He watched as Sam unfolded his impossibly tall form in slow halting stages from its compacted shape. When his brother was remotely close to standing unaided beside the car Dean gently guided his unsteady body inside the motel room to the far bed. And sat him down.

They had no duffels to unpack just the pair of new toothbrushes and tube of toothpaste Dean had purchased with the other "camping" supplies he'd bought at the convenience store.

With Sam sitting on the bed Dean took out a new penlight and flashed it first in one of Sam's eyes then the other checking for signs of concussion or further shock. At first Sam just squinted and didn't even try to bat the offending light away then with a move quicker than Dean would have given him credit for he grabbed the light out of Dean's hand and clicked it off. "M'alright". He said faintly but still didn't make eye contact.

Dean just frowned and went to put his palm on Sam's forehead. The clammy cold skin felt just like he feared it would.

"I need you to warm up Sammy take a long hot shower, I'll take mine in the morning you just get your body temp back up to the living."

Sam half snorted at that and slowly eased himself up off the bed and went into the bathroom. He didn't want to think right now he just needed to be on autopilot for the time being.

Once inside the small clean room he noticed the walls were painted that new color, _Aubergnene_, it was called he thought, though it looked like dark purple to him. It made the room feel dark. And dark was good right now. He took his clothes off slowly, purposely avoiding looking in the large mirror that filled wall between the cabinet and ceiling, His hands and legs refused to be co-coordinated, shaking and not being still as he tried to undress and carefully fold up the clothes to put them on the long counter of the sink cabinet. There would be no fresh clothes to get into tomorrow so he couldn't afford to just toss them on the floor. A weak smile graced his lips as he realized that recognizing that fact was a big thought for him to have right now and he grimly congratulated himself for processing that much.

He slid the showers glide door open and turned the water on high. Carefully gripping the safety bar he eased himself inside and closed the slider behind him. Steam rapidly began to fill the room. He ducked his head under the spray; even the showerheads were too low in most motels for him to just stand underneath them. He sighed a little as he reached his arms forward to brace his hands against the shower wall and bow his head lower letting the blessedly warm water washed over his hair, down his back between his shoulder blades and over his spine. The warmth it carried covered his butt and split into twin streams as it ran down his legs. He sighed again and turned around tilting his head back to let the water cover his face then pulled his head up, scrubbed his hands over his features to squeegee the water off and leaned back in under the spray again arching into it a little as it hit his chest and warmed the pumped up muscles beneath the skin. The medicinal spread of heat soothed as it bounced playful rivulets along the taunt muscles of his abdomen making rapids of warmth dash over the front of his groin and down his inner thighs before it slued its way along his legs and down into the drain.

But the moment the water soothed the tension away his legs betrayed him. He felt them buckle and shot his arms out to grab wall and railing and as he carefully guided his slide to the floor of the tub in a controlled collapse. The spray continued to hit him full on his chest and torso, he tried to get up but it was too much work, the pull of gravity had him in a mighty grip, it just felt so good to let the showers warm spray ease all the chill out of his bones. _Sitting here would be just fine _Sam thought muddily and closed his eyes to bask in the warmth. He was vaguely aware of Dean outside in their room moving furniture around. _Maybe he's barricading us in,_ the thought of_ I should try to get up and help him_, made a quick appearance in his fuzzy brain but just as quickly disappeared overruled by the lull of warmth and wet sounds of splashing spray on soft flesh, _I'll just rest here a minute and then go help him...just a minute more...just a minute more_ was becoming his inner mantra then Sam's surroundings faded into darkness as his body and mind pulled in on itself and tried to heal.

He woke with a start at the sound of pounding on the door and someone calling his name.

"Sammy! Sammy! Get the hell outta there your steamin' up the whole room-shower hog. You alright? Sammy? SAMMY!!!

It's Dean. DEAN? Franticly he thinks how long was I in here? How did I get on the floor? And he puts all his effort into trying to stand. His big hands splay out on moisture slicked walls of the shower to gain purchase as his long legs fold up and push under him till he finds altitude without falling back down. He turns the shower off. "I'M ALRGHT! He yells back, "Its ok-quit yelling. Be out in a minute." He sounds like he's panting because the steam is so thick it makes it hard to breathe. His hands find the towel, which is too small (it figures) and which is damp to the point of almost useless to wipe him dry as he towels off hurriedly.

His clothes on the counter are in a similar state of cloying wetness as he struggles to pull up his boxers that stick and cling to his legs all the way up. Choosing to nix the fight he'd have with the T-shirt he exits the bathroom in a cloud of steam that coils around him like the smoke gun entrance of a rock star on stage.

"Great job warming yourself up Giaganto I'll bet nobody on this side of the motel has any hot water left" Dean joked then scowled as the steam behind Sam dissipated into their room revealing the big read wheel on his brothers chest where the hot water had beat unmercifully down on him. Dean moved quickly over to Sam instinctively reaching out to inspect the angry redness. "What the hell happened here?" He demanded looking up into Sam's eyes.

"Wha..." Sam looked down at his chest and winced as he touched the pink flesh. "I guess I kinda fell asleep...sorry."

Dean shoulders dropped and concern replaced worry in his eyes. "You fall?"

"What no...well... I slid... sorta." Sam answered sheepishly. "But I'm fine, I'm warm now."

Dean eyed the reddened flesh, "Yeah, lobster warm."

Sam found the strength to roll his eyes.

Dean shook his head, "Look, git in bed before your ass slides down to the floor and I have to try to pick it up." He moved to steer Sam the few feet over to the mattress's edge, but Sam groggily wind milled his brothers hands away and took the few wobbly steps over to the bed himself. As soon as his head hit the pillow he felt his eyes begin to close. The last thing he saw was his brother laying the salt line down around their beds and feeing safe at last Sam slept.

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The next morning Dean took his own shower and hunger became an issue. He wasn't going to make a run for food and leave Sam alone. Not after last night, maybe not ever again so as he stepped out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel he yelled to Sam to get up.

Sam mumbled his dissent into the pillow.

Dean grabbed his boxers and slipped them on taking his "T" from the back of the chair where he kept his cloths dry from the showers steam. He dressed rapidly as his sense of urgency for them to get moving increased.

Sam just rolled over.

"I mean it Sammy up and move now!" Dean's demand fell on deaf ears.

"Get your ass in gear, we'll eat on the way outta town."

More mumbles but no action just fueled Dean's fire. "SAM! I AM NOT KIDDING."

Sam did not take orders well. "NO." was the reply from the mound of blankets on the bed.

And that is when the damn burst for Dean.

He'd seen what his brother could do when left to his own devices and he didn't like the choices he made not one damn bit. He blamed himself. If he'd been there for Sam when he'd gotten back...If he'd been one hundred percent and not the broken dependant man that crawled out of the ground in Pontiac...he could have stopped Sam....might have turned him around from the path that led to this....IF ....IF... Dean hated that word, he hated that he'd become one of those people that had thoughts like 'would'of, could'of or should'of. NO, from now on he was hands on and Sam was not going to be allowed to veer into the path of danger again. His rage in that moment was based on fear, fear that he might fail Sam again as he ranted to the man in the bed, " This whole year I let you go your own way, let you make choices that I didn't like because I thought you should be treated like an adult, have your own space and all that bullshit. But no more Sammy, If I say somethin's Blue you better n hell see it as Blue and if I say it's Red that's what it is no question...."

As Dean raged on Sam pushed back the covers anger evident on his face.

"And if I tell you that you're listening to a lying, skank of a whore demon..."

That's when something inside Sam snaps; he is at once filled with both shame and rage and he launches himself off the bed at his brother but his head hits something hard and he bounces straight back down his ass hitting the bed hard.

_Fuck_, he thinks, I can't believe that Dean head butted me, as he rubs a hand across his forehead and jumps back up to get into his brothers face again.

But Dean's stance is all wrong; he's not braced and ready for bear. The look on his brother's face is not the wall of 'tear your ass a new one' anger Sam had seen before that stopped many a man in their tracks.

It was a look he'd never seen on his brother's face, not one he's ever seen when looking at him before.

It was fear. And sorrow.... and pity.

Sam stood there his face contorted in rage, hands held in tight fists at his side and watched as Dean ever so slowly stepped back and pushed the door to the bathroom open to reveal more of the wall size mirror.

Then Dean said in a soft broken voice, "Sammy" And nodded to the mirror for Sam to look.

What he saw froze him. His whole body stood huge and tense, the anger still coming off it in waves, but when he looked at his eyes they weren't his own anymore. They were solid cold black pits that stared back at him.

"Noooooooooo." He covered his eyes and moaned into his hands as his legs buckled and he felt his ass hit the bed once more. Everything that happened last night came flooding back and grief over what he'd done made him wither inside "Noooooooooo."

He heard the soft snick as the bathroom door eased closed. Dean was blocking the offensive image of his change from him.

When he felt Dean softly touch his shoulder he pulled back and almost snarled at Dean "Don't touch me!"

"Sam"

"Don't"...Sam kept one hand over his eyes to block Dean's view as he frantically glanced around the room. He saw the salt line Dean had spread around their beds. _It's not enough_ he thought then a design on the floor caught his eyes. And he peered over the end of his bed to see a devils trap partially covered up by the comforter on the floor.

A devils trap. Dean had made a devils trap, that was the noise Sam heard.

When he slowly stood back up he bit the accusing words out at his brother. "You knew..."

Dean had been hanging his head but snapped it up fast as he answered, "I didn't. I did it to protect us, we needed to be safe last night."

"To protect YOU," Sam said with the last force he had, then softly, "from me".

"NO! No Sammy, no. And Dean strode purposefully over to the end of his own bed and kicked it aside revealing the rest of the devils trap that extended to encircle both beds.

"Wha..... Sam looked down at him with tears rapidly filling his eyes.

"If I wanted to keep you away from me I woulda built a Sasquatch trap" Said Dean up to his face.

Sam blinked back the tears that were rapidly forming in his eyes, "But...you... can't..." Sam choked out completing the line of this old tease of theirs that he'd heard from his brother a million times.

"That's right" Dean's voice softened, as they said in unison "Coz there's not enough wood in all the damn redwoods to keep you contained."

Sam gulped and ran his hands over his face to wipe the tears and Dean stepped over the Salt line and into the devils trap to put his hands on Sam's shoulder and the other on his arm and pressured him gently down to sit. And once again Sam's ass found itself resting on his bed again.

Dean sat opposite him and watched his bother cover his face in his hands and heard him speak to the floor, "What are we gonna do?" And Dean watched as Sam's shoulders tensed and fear crept into his voice as it broke, "What did _I DO_?"

To be continued

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	2. Chapter 2

No going back- Chapter 2

Don't own em, just love 'em. Wish ta hell I worked for Kripke

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It tore Dean up to see his brother like that. His heart breaking and moaning into his hands. It tore him up worse to know Sam had every right to feel that wretched about himself. He was screwed and he did it to himself.

In the back of Dean's mind an old Rolling Stones song came up unbiden, "Sympathy for the Devil" And Dean fought to get the tune out of his head.

_Fuck. _Dean ran his hand over his face and sighed. They both were screwed. His mental wheels spun as he thought again about how the hell they wound up here with this new kink that would cramp up their already complicated lives. He couldn't seem to put his finger on just what moment things began to get this fucked up for them it seemed to him to go way back as his mind raced to try and see some angle out of this.

Sam moaned again and Dean's attention snapped back to the present. The song dimming into the background of his mind. It wasn't fair that the good decent man that Sam was, had always been, would wind up sporting the eyes of a creature whose kind had been screwing with Winchesters for three generations. And all because Sam had tied to do what he thought was right. He'd sacrificed and trained all his life to hunt evil and save innocent lives just as much as he had and now the sick irony was that he'd been led to unleash the ultimate evil on all human kind. _Just like I had when I'd broke the first Seal and started this whole._.. _But wait_, thought Dean, _how long had they been pawns in the demons plans to get to this point?_ And suddenly Dean saw a pin prick of light at the end of the tunnel that just might ease the burden his brother was feeling right now.

Dean cleared his throat, "I've been thinking about this for a long time Sam."

"Yeah, I know," Sam raised his head and soft hazel brown eyes rimmed in red met hazel green once more, "you've been afraid I'd go demon longer than I'd known it was a possiblity," Sam spat out refering to their dads secret warning to his brother about 'If you can't save him you might have to kill him.'

"WHA? No not that, and I never would!" Dean sat up straighter and reached over to clasp his bother's shoulder. "You KNOW that don't you? You're my brother forever...no matter...no matter what dad said, the angels said or what YOU said. I'd never hurt you. So get over that wouldja? No I meant ever since we found out that Yellow Eyes had killed our grandparents. Who knows how far back he'd had this plan in action to get his buddy outta the pit.

Sam paused to consider the thought out loud, "Could have been hundreds of years? Or thousands, demons do live essentially forever."

"Yeah right, or until they cross paths with a Winchester." Dean smiled grimly "But think about it Sammy. It musta started before you were born, hell, before either of us was a twinkle in dads eye."

"EWE"

"Grow up."

"Dean, I'm just saying." Sam mused, "You met mom, and dad before they...they had a future together and you knew."

"Yeah," Dean said sadly, "Some future." He let the remark hang in the air. "But what I'm saying is this thing that happened last night wasn't just you, just now Sam. It was all of us, all being manipulated by those bastards to get us down to this end result."

Sam sat silently drinking this in, his brother was trying to ease his guilt a guilt so overwhelming because of what Sam had been led to do most men wouldn't be able to live through it.

And more than anything Dean needed Sam to live through it. Get past it if he could because there was a bigger fight they both had to face and they needed to have their heads in it to have any hope of lasting through what was coming.

Dean looked Sam directly in the eyes and said slowly "All of it Sammy, all of it was planned out. Mom dying, Jess, dad thinking he was swapping his soul for me to live only for me to go and give it away to bring you back. Me going to hell to just fucking open the first seal for them and ...."

"Ruby being here..." Sam whispered.

"To tell you everything you wanted to hear just as long as it got you to Kill Lilith and open the last lock to his cage."

"It was all planned..." Sam breathed as he felt a great weight lift off him.

"Except the angels" Dean added. "They didn't see that one coming. They didn't see me gettin outta the pit."

"So what are you saying?" Sam asked.

"I'm thinking that Gods got us as his wild cards Sammy."

"So he approved me changing? Sam looked incredulously at his brother.

"No, I don't think He wanted that, but He didn't hate it enough to stop you..." Dean paused as his voice thickened up, "He didn't hate it enough to kill you."

Sam's lips pressed together as his jaw quivered and his suddenly brimmed eyes sought out his brothers. _Part of Gods plan too?_ _Redemption? Was that even still on the table?_

"Could Cas change me back?"

Dean paused, not sure how to break the news. Then opted for the truth. "No, it's not something he's able to do, not a Heavenly edict or something." Dean saw his younger brothers crestfallen expression and it nearly broke his heart. "But that doesn't mean the hand of man can't intervene." He smiled.

Shakily Sam asked, "What do you mean ?"

"Well first thing is get you...better"

"Better? How? I turned demon Dean!"

"Yeah, but that's just physical, you're not a demon. Not inside Sam. You just Hulk out into one when you're angry."

Sam blinked at the pop culture reference of "The Hulk" Dean just made. _Yeah, you sure as hell wouldn't like me when I'm angry, _he thought_, _hell, even demons themselves didn't like Sam Winchester when he was full on bent on vengenece.

"So what are you saying, " Sam sadly smirked, "just because I turn demon doesn't make me a demon?"

"Right," Dean said and added more softly, "I know what it takes to make a human into one, what has to happen to your soul....because of my ....uh training" And Dean's own face grimmaced in digust remembering those years in the pit when he got off the rack. "And you, you're still you inside," Dean smiled and Sam could see how Dean was still proud of him...even now...even like he was.

And Sam smiled weakly back.

"See, it's just your blood or all that demon blood inside you that makes you have that reaction." Dean went on, "You, the man inside didn't turn, just your body. It was poisoned...."

"By Ruby...." Sam spit out the name.

"And all the demon blood she got you addicted to." Dean chided.

Sam hung his head, so it would come down to that again. "So, we go back to Bobby's and I detox again," he sighed.

And the damn song seemed to grow louder in Dean's head.

"Hell, no" Dean frowned, "You've got too much in your system now for that route, it might kill you. No, we gotta get the demon blood out and get a fresh supply in, then you'll be you old self."

"How the hell do you propose to do that without me being killed by the blood loss?" Sam asked incredulously.

And the song blossomed into the idea for Sam's cure.

"Chelation therapy Sammy!" Dean smiled like he'd said a magic word. " It's like a dialasis machine that pumps the old tainted blood out and pumps fresh clean blood in. It's the same procedure that's kept Keith Richards alive for years. Otherwise he'd gone through five livers by now. You'll be a new man afterward." And Dean clapped him on the shoulder for empahasis. "I'm gonna call Bobby now and see if he knows anybody that can hook us up with one. Meanwhile get dressed I'm starving."

"UH...devils trap..." Sam held up his hands.

"Oh yeah" And Dean got up and rubbed his bare foot on the design's edge to brake the seal, "Sorry-now haul ass my stomachs feeding on itself!"

To be continued

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	3. Chapter 3

No Going Back-Chapt.3

Don't own 'em, just love 'em. Wish ta hell I worked for Kripke

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Even after a nearly twelve hour sleep and a good breakfast, Sam even had sausage, _chalk that one up for the history books_ thought Dean; the older Winchester felt tired. Drained is more like it because he'd been dancing around the argument of how much to tell Bobby with Sam for the last one hundred and seventy three miles.

For once it was Dean not Sam that was for telling Bobby everything, hell, the man already knew just about everything that happened two nights ago anyway. But Sam....Sam didn't want to. Even if Bobby could fill in the blanks easy enough, even if setting Lucifer free had been a set up from the beginning and Sam was just the fall guy; somehow Sam had got it into his head that the man would be disappointed in him, might hate him even. And Dean hated to see his brother's life cast over by such a huge cloud of shame.

How could Sam get such a fool idea in his head about Bobby anyway? The man practically stood in for their dad after... after the car wreck. And even before then he'd always been there for them, 24/7. He knew Sam as well as if he were his own. It was Bobby that even got him interested in doing research too, because of all the old books he'd let him pour through when he was a teenager and so antsy that nothing would keep him still. An offer to look through Bobby's library always would keep Sam quiet and riveted all day and well into the night. Hell, geek boy just couldn't put the damn books down. "_Just one more chapter, just one more..._' Dean remembered Sammy saying, _until I'd hafta physically wrestle the book outta his hands and threaten him with violence or worse yet threaten to revoke the library privileges just to get him upstairs to sleep. _

Dean shook his head once more as they took the last exit off the highway that put them forty minutes out from arriving at the Singer residence.

And then he let out a long sigh. It was his usual bait to get Sam to talk. And true to form Sam took it.

"Dean, I can't...," his brother said to the passenger's side window.

"If you could have heard his voice when I called him...the relief, I swear Sammy I thought the man was gonna break down and cry right then. And Dean was silent a moment as he remembered the way Bobby'd yelled, 'Dean! Where the hell are you, son? Tell me you got Sam with you!" It mighta been the connection but, the older Winchester coulda sworn the last part had made Bobby's voice sound kinda shaky.

Dean paused, then added softly, "He's all the family we got...you think he's gonna sweat the details before or after he finds out we're ok?"

Sam huffed a sigh that fogged the glass on his window.

"Look, we gotta all be on the same page here. With him arranging for your treatment he already knows that you got a hellava lot more demon blood in you to knock detox out as a solution." Parleyed Dean.

Sam slowly turned his head to face him, "But he doesn't know I can turn demon Dean.

And I don't want him to ever know."

"It's not like he hasn't seen it before" Dean shrugged. "When you were possessed by Meg. You still have that scar on your arm where he had to brand the demon lock off and exorcize your ass."

"That was different." Sam sulked.

"How is turning demon then different?"

"Then I didn't do it to myself."

And there it was. Sam couldn't face the look he feared he'd see on Bobby if he knew. That he, Sam Winchester, had chosen to become one of them on some really bad advice and now was trying to ditch the consequences. Sam felt ashamed and cowardly, and didn't want to see that same opinion mirrored back from the man he loved him as much as dad.

Dean was stunned and gaped at Sam at a loss for words. Sam shouldn't, couldn't feel he let anyone down by making the sacrifice he did. Dean's throat began to constrict and his eyes started to betray him so he quickly turned to face the road as his brain tried to sort out all that he needed to say...needed to say for Sam to understand.

And Sam took his abrupt turn away all wrong. He hung his head and said in a voice almost too soft to hear, "I'm sorry Dean, dad was right, you tried but couldn't save me."

And that's when Dean hit the brakes and the little car nearly flipped as it swerved to the side of the road."

"Jesus! Dean!" Sam yelled grabbing onto anything to brace himself while the car and the world spun.

The second it jerked to a stop Dean started yelling. And Sam pressed himself as far as he could against the passenger's side door.

"Don't you ever say that! Don't you EVER! Cause I will never stop trying to save your ass, never! Dean wiped his hand down his face, his hand stopping to cover his mouth and he held it there for one, two then maybe three seconds as the red rage of anger morphed into tear brimmed eyes and the only sound in the car was of Dean's muffled intakes of breaths behind his hand.

When he moved the hand away to speak his voice came out ragged, "Don't... you think... I don't know... what you did... Sammy?"

Sam stared back at him wide eyed.

"Don't you think... I know you gave up everything? Every last chance of having normal...for me?"

Sam peeled himself away from the door and started to say "Dean I..."

"I get it Sam, I do.... You knew the only way to save me from havin to go back to the pit was to kill the contract holder on my soul, Lilith. Hell, we were both fed the Intel that she was going to try to break the last seal...."

Sam said, "I didn't know she... she was the last seal..."

Dean huffed, "Of course you didn't, I didn't either until I was cooling my heals in heavens foyer, that asshat angel Zechariah had it all set up to keep me separated from you so I couldn't stop you from getting the deed done."

Sam looked down and said, "I would have done it anyway...even knowing..." and he thought of black eyes and Satan being free then swallowed, "I'd do anything to keep you from havin to go back..."

Dean reached out his hand and gripped Sam's shoulder and shook it a little, "even if it meant... you might change. You did it anyway. And you did save me, Sammy, you saved my soul. Don't you ever feel ashamed for doing that, no matter what." Dean's lip quivered and a solitary tear escaped his eye. Sam reached up and grabbed Dean's shoulder and gave it a good squeeze and shake too. And they sat like that for a little longer.

Finally Dean lifted his hand off Sam's shoulder and cleared his throat. "Sam, I know you don't want to let Bobby know..."

Sam sighed and letting go of Dean's shoulder leaned back against the door. His lips pursed in the sour lemon pout Dean had seen his grandfather do when he was faced with something distasteful. _Family_ thought Dean.

"All I'm saying is when I got back from the pit you kept things from me, important things, and that made it bad between us. Don't you think it'll have the same effect on Bobby if he finds out otherwise, than from you .....the full extent of what's going on here? What's goin on with you?"

Sam looked up and away closing his eyes as his lips pressed harder together two tears squeezed out and traced down his cheeks.

Dean knew the damage that cost him but pressed on.

"He's gonna want to know... how ...how bad it is. You can't hide it from him or lie to him Sam, he's gonna need to know so he can help us."

Sam didn't open his eyes but nodded once quickly.

Dean sighed and gave him a soft clap on the shoulder. Then put the car in gear and turned back on the road to head to the only place they ever thought of as home.

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When they pulled into the salvage yard they knew instantly something was wrong.

Sounds of a shotgun firing came from somewhere inside the house and Dean and Sam flew out of the car and up the front porch. They stopped, flattened themselves on either side of the door and listened. Years of training had taught them to approach a scene of discharging weapons with the same finely drilled caution and assessment as a swat team.

Not having the arsenal of the Impala at their disposal if they rushed in they'd be unarmed and they first had to ascertain who or what might be attacking their friend.

Dean silently used hand signals to Sam letting him know he was going to go around the back and try to get to Bobby's second stash of weapons and that Sam was to watch out from the front.

It was a few agonizing minutes later when Sam was peering in the window to Bobby's kitchen that he saw the first demon. Sam's blood ran cold as he watched Bobby rush in and try to blast the thing only to have it make a gesture with its hand and toss the gun into the wall. Then quickly it was on his friend grabbed him and began to twist Bobby's arm behind his back shouting, "Where is he? Where is Dean Winchester?"

Sam's breath stopped as a second demon came in from the back holding his brother up by the neck and as Sam watched it laughed and shook him like a rag doll, "HA! Looked who walked right into our hands!"

Then the first demon smiled and dislocated Bobby's shoulder.

Sam's blood boiled. A rage so pure it was white hot filled him and he strode over and kicked the front door in.

In a just a few long legged strides he reached the kitchen and with a gesture flung the first demon six inches into the wall. Bobby fell to the floor in a crouch clutching his arm. Sam extended his hand toward the one holding Dean by the throat and Bobby watched open mouthed as it instantly lost its grip giving Dean the chance to escape.

Dean went to Bobby immediately and put himself between the demon and the older hunter. While Sam pinned the demon to the wall with his will and growled, "Why do you want Dean?"

The demon squirmed and cried out high-pitched shrieks as whiffs of white smoke began to curl around its flesh.

"Answer ME! Why do you want Dean?"

"My master demands he be brought to him.... dead or alive." The sniveling abomination squealed.

"Your Master?"

"Morning Star, Lucifer! He that you set free." Hissed the demon as more smoke curled up from its flesh.

Sam grimaced then his face grew deadly cold. He slowly began to close his fist and to both Bobby and Dean's horror and amazement the body of the demon crumpled with ugly wet bone popping snaps then was engulfed in flames.

A mere glance at the one stuck in the wall and Sam vaporized it too.

Spellbound by what they had just witnessed Bobby and Dean watched Sam's back . Tension came off him in waves as he gasped great lungfuls of air and when he slowly turned to face them. They instinctively recoiled from the black cold empty eyes that they saw looking at them.

And that deflated Sam.

"Dean...." one word, one name piteously spoken and Sam's shoulders shook as he reached out to his brother.

To be continued

Please review


	4. Chapter 4

No Going Back-Chapt 4

Don't own 'em, just love 'em. Wish ta hell I worked for Kripke

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Dean leapt up from the floor beside Bobby, ran to the fire extinguisher on the kitchen wall and ripped it down and began to spray a white cloud all over the wall that was on fire.

Sam snapped out of it and moved over to him, stamping out the flaming bits of leftover debris that landed on the floor. It was over in minutes but the cloying smell of fire, smoke and burnt flesh still hung in the air.

They both stood back and dumbly looked at the damage then Dean rounded on Sam and yelled, "Don't you know better'n to burn a demon inside a house?"

Sam stood there a moment looking back at Dean; he didn't know whether to laugh or cry so his face did both as he staggered backwards until his legs hit one of Bobby's kitchen chairs and he fell; his ass landing down hard on it.

Bobby looked on stunned. Had he just seen what he thought he'd seen? He tried to get up but pain flashed through him from his dislocated shoulder and that told him _"yup, it was true", _Sam had gone all angry demon on the other two's asses and killed not one but two demons right before his eyes. Hi_s eyes_.... Sam's eyes had been full on black too! Bobby quickly peered over to the man on his kitchen chair and couldn't help but shrink back a little. And even that movement caused him pain.

Dean and Sam heard the groan escape their friends lips and both turned to him saying, "Bobby!" at the same time.

Dean got there first and gently helped the older man up.

Bobby saw the fear and concern that filled Dean's face then quickly over to Sam's tear streaked one. As soon as he felt himself back up on two legs he took a step toward the man sitting on his kitchen chair. It hurt and he nearly stumbled out of Dean's arms.

"Boy?" Bobby growled out through the pain, "You got somthin' you wanna tell me?"

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Sam looked up into Bobby's face and winced because the expression he saw cut him deep. It was worse than he'd imagined it would be as he blinked back the tears and tried to speak but could not for the life of him find enough spit in his throat to choke out the words.

Bobby stood over him shaking... with anger? Fear? Pain? Sam couldn't read the man right now.

But when Bobby looked down into Sam's now normal eyes what he saw there was so full of wounded hurt that he felt his legs buckled a bit and Dean had to instantly grip the older man tighter to support him. He saw the all too familiar soft big puppy eyes that he'd seen time and time again as the man before him had grown up and right now they couldn't have been sadder_. _

_Shit,_ thought Bobby,_ lookit him he's so dam busted up inside. Those eyes of his...I haven't seen a sorrier look in them since that time he was six and spilled a whole glass of strawberry Kool-aid on one of my oldest conjurin books. Took me weeks to get the pages unstuck and undid the magic in four of the worst spells...Kool- aid-who knew? The kid thought I was gonna kill him then too._

And Bobby did the unthinkable; he reached out with his good arm and gently ruffled Sam's hair.

Sam looked up at him shocked but hope filled his eyes and Bobby said in a more gentle but no less demanding tone, "I'm all ears, son."

Dean spoke first. "Bobby, let me put your shoulder back in, and let you sit-ok?"

Bobby grunted and leaned the other way as Dean braced his hand against the lumpy mass at the top of his arm and yanked the shoulder back in place with sick pop and yelp of pain outta his friend.

Sam immediately went to the freezer and retrieved the bag of frozen peas and placed it on the oldest hunters shoulder while they both gently guided their friend down into a chair.

Bobby looked a bit more relieved as he nodded Sam to sit his ass back down.

An awkward moment passed where no one spoke then Dean said brightly, "I'll make coffee." and shot a look to Sam to start talking.

Bobby pressed the bag of peas more firmly and asked Dean over his shoulder to grab the pain meds in the medicine cabinet.

Dean nodded to his back and ticked his head to one side giving his brother another look then left the room to find the meds.

Sam's eyes went down to stare at the familiar coffee stains of the old kitchen table because he could not look into the eyes of his friend right now for what he had to say.

"I uh, got a lot more demon blood in me.... and it... uh ...makes my eyes turn... to look like.... that.... when I'm.... angry." Sam said to the comforting stains on tabletop.

And Bobby said, "uh huh. And being able to kill demons with hand gestures.... that a new bonus feature to your souped up blood too?"

"Yeah, uh no....not until recently." Sam knew he wasn't explaining this adequately enough. "I could only expel them from the host body before, send them back to hell, not kill them."

"That what Ruby taught you?"

Sam snorted, "Uh yeah, the only good thing."

Bobby said, "But now you can kill them, with just hand gestures?"

And Sam finally looked him in the eyes and Bobby saw a kind of desperation there as he explained, "No, its not the gestures...they're just to sorta focus...it's more a power of will. I... uh... I don't exactly know the physics...but it's more like I can dismantle them. Make them.... cease to exist.... to...not be."

Bobby's concern grew more evident as he asked, "How long you been doing that?"

Sam answered, "Only a few months, the first was Alistair. I didn't even have to think about it that hard after what I saw he did to Dean." And a grimace of fear flashed across Sam's face as he remembered the sight of Dean, nearly lifeless on the floor, he swallowed hard and said, "It came easy then."

That's when Dean came back in the room opened the bottle of pills and shook two out into Bobby's hand. Then poured the older man a mug of black coffee and set it in front of him so he could down the pills.

Bobby put the bag of peas down, took the meds and put the make shift ice pack back up on his shoulder. He licked his lips and asked, "That when the change happen?"

"NO." Both brothers said in unison.

Dean moved over closer to the two men and looking at Sam said, "That happened last night."

"When I killed Lilith." Sam said back to the table.

Both of Bobby's eyebrows rose.

And Dean started to fill in the pieces for his brother, "See Sammy, while you where out with Ruby getting your second helping of Wheaties, I was here whining like a little girl over that beating you gave me."

Sam frowned at his brother but Dean continued, "Which by the way, I only think it fair to warn you I still owe you a beat down. Anyway Bobby was in the middle of giving me a well deserved ass kicking when the angels beamed me up to their green room and told me I had to cool my heels there until the moment I was called to do "Gods bidding." Which was a load of crap," Dean said to Sam, "their plan all along at least the plan Zechariah was marching to, was to keep me from getting to you, to keep me from stopping you from killing Lilith."

"Who as it turned out was the last seal." Sam said to Bobby in a flat voice.

Bobby asked, "Why in the hell would the angels want to see her dead if it would break the seal?"

"Because, " Dean continued, "a group of them apparently like the Real Estate on Earth so much they decided to let the head demon loose as part of their plan to clean out the infestation of us humans so they could all have this ball of sod to themselves."

Bobby's eyes went wide. "So the last seal got broken?" And he swallowed, "Then...that means.... that means Lucifer..."

"Got out," Dean said his voice beginning to shake, "we were at ground zero and God help us we booked as soon as the ground split and bright lights began to fill the room."

Dean glanced over to his brother and saw a look of utter defeat upon Sam's face and quickly added, "Both the demons and the rogue angels wanted that seal broken Sam."

"Yeah and Ruby was their little cheerleader leading me on to accomplish that for them." Sam added bitterly.

Dean put his hand on his brother's shoulder and said, "You mighta thought it was all your own idea to go after Lilith but the truth is Sammy, you didn't have a chance to have it go any other way."

Bobby looked at Dean with his hand on his brother's shoulder trying to comfort the man Sam'd grown up to be. He had gone from so innocent to having seen, having to become the thing that he'd feared the most. And Dean, with his Deal, having gone through hell to save him, for what, for this?

Bobby shook his head. First things First. "Dean, Sam you know where the tools are and the supplies, I expect you'll have that hole in the wall and the mess cleaned up before supper. We'll work out the details on getting Sam ...fixed up...after we've got full bellies and clearer heads. But I'm not cookin us supper in a kitchen that smells like burnt demon so git to it!"

Both Winchesters genuinely smiled then and moved off with a purpose to get their hands a little dirty doing something as normal as home repair; leaving the older hunter alone for a moment in the kitchen to think.

Bobby sat in the chair and found his head reeling. So this was IT. Armageddon. The war of all wars between Heaven and Hell and those two boys were stuck right in the middle of it.

War, Bobby thought, it scars the men in it. Some scars you can see and some you can't. Dean, you couldn't tell from lookin at him but he's sure Dean will never be the same from the scars his time in hell left on him. And right now the demons want him bad, maybe to drag him back to it? And Sam, you can see his all right, every time he gets angry. If this 'blood transfer thing' doesn't work, he'll bear those scars and never have the chance to be normal ever again. It could turn him into a hunted man, hunted by demons that made him, the angels that would consider him impure and every friggin hunter on Earth would shoot first and not bother to ask... after seeing those eyes turn just once.

But they were his family. And he was gonna do what ever it took to keep them together, even if it meant he'd hafta take on Heaven and Hell to do it!

To be continued

Please review


	5. Chapter 5

No Going Back-Chapter 5

Don't own 'em, just love 'em. Wish ta hell I worked for Kripke

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Sam and Dean walked through the vast salvage yard to the out building that Bobby used to store his hardware supplies. It was the biggest Quonset hut he had and he had several of the army surplus style buildings placed around the scrap yard each with its own special storage. The salvage yard might look like chaos with its stacked rusted hulks of cars and piles of car parts but it was an organized chaos. And it had just about every part or tool or supply a man could ever need.

Dean unlatched the hasp on the lock of the big rusty metal door and gave a mighty push to slide it open. Sam reached inside to flip on the lights and whistled in appreciation at the orderly stacks of home repair items that packed its interior.

"Wow! It looks like a freakin hardware store in here!" he said grinning at his brother. "Where does Bobby get all this stuff from?" he asked Dean as he stepped inside and looked around.

"Mostly from other hunters." Dean said matter of factly. Dean had spent some time with Bobby while Sam had been away at Stanford and he'd learned that Bobby's vast network of research contacts often paid by bartering goods rather than cash for the Intel Bobby provided.

"He's got enough here to outfit a construction crew!" said Sam amazed.

"He knows his stuff and people are grateful," said Dean as he walked down the isle where the two by fours and the sheets of drywall where stored.

Sam followed his brother impressed at the sight of so many supplies and touched by the understanding that every box of nails or sheet of plywood represented a family that was saved by the hours of research that their friend devoted his life to.

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While the boys gathered the supplies Bobby went into his living room/study/library and dug around until he found the number of a friend of his in the medical profession and asked him a few questions. A couple of phone calls later and he had answers and a plan to outline for 'his boys'.

He reflected on that notion again of 'his boys'. Long before John died Bobby had taken over as a surrogate uncle to the two of them. Bobby'd made it clear from the start, the whole time they were growing up that when ever John was in the area and needed a safe haven for his sons they were always welcome here. So John took him up on it and Singers Salvage would be his port of call to drop them off while he handled a case_. _

_Didn't matter how long it took neither because no matter how much of a handful they were (and they could be) _Bobby thought_, they always brightened each day. I'd never tell them in so many words but I've always felt so. Always got a real gut wrenching kick out of seeing Dean caring after Sam and Sam's utter devotion to his older brother. They were always like that, started when they was real young and they never grew outta it._

_And Sam's head butting with his daddy had started from the get go here too._

That was also a product of Sam's and Dean's closeness. Bobby recalled when Sammy was just a toddler how he'd look to Dean for everything_. He'd go to Dean and grab his arm or hand, point and babble and Dean would get a children's book or pick out a toy from the box I kept here for them and it always was the one that Sam wanted. Dean understood him better that anyone even then._

_Anytime Sam needed to express himself he would garble a few nonsense words that passed for speech as most kids do and Dean would interpret for him. "He says he wants the jelly spread on the bread not the peanna butter Unca Bobby." Dean would solemnly instruct as lunch was being made. And it musta been what the kid wanted because he never complained about it. _

_John was getting kinda frustrated that Sam hadn't spoken more than two or three words, and was nearly three. That everything was point and mumble and Dean doing all the work. "Let you brother ask for it himself Dean!" he'd bark. And Dean would kinda shrink in on himself. I'd say to him 'awe layoff John, they got a system worked out, Sam gets what he wants, there's no squabbling so it's not like he's being deprived or nothin.' And John'd get all 'they're not your kids and I know what's best for them and at this rate Sam won't learn to talk before High School!" But it always seemed to work out, Dean would step in when needed and Sam would stay happy and that made everyone happy._

Then one day John was tearing into Dean for some small infraction and the boy was standing there in front of his daddy taking it but you could see that lower lip of his begin to pout and start to quiver when all of a sudden Sammy steps right in between 'em

_standing as tall as he could on his pudgy baby legs and says all scowly voiced to John, "Don't you dare talk to my big brudder like that!"_

_And John and Dean just stopped and dropped jaws forgetting all about the fight both said at the same time, "Sammy you talked! You said your first sentence!"_

_Damn straight the kid did. Even back then he was buttin heads with John if it came to defending Dean. Even back then you knew Sam Winchester was a force of nature when it came to championing the big brother he was always so proud of._

So it really didn't surprise me that Sam made that decision to risk ever bein' normal again if it meant he could save Dean. They'd both given up everything they had at least once for each other and wished they could give more if it meant it would save the other.

Bobby sighed. He sure learned more about what it meant to be devoted from watching those two grow up. And he couldn't be prouder of 'em if they were his own. He'd claimed them as such a long time ago anyway, least-wise inside his heart.

He heard the front door open and the clomp of familiar heavy boots and a snide remark and knew his boys were back in the house. _Probably be a good idea to stick my head in the kitchen at least once, not that I don't think they know what they're doin', more for appearance sake. _Then he'd have a lie down while they repaired the damage.

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Dean handed Sam the small saw saying, "Why don't you square off the rough edges and I'll take the measurements for the sheet rock and smiled at his brother. He really liked working with Sam doing simple shit like this, fixing things. It was a vacation from the constant sense of being 'on duty' their dad had instilled in them as hunters.

Sam looked at the saw in his hand quirked his eyebrow at Dean and said, "You should do the sawing 'coz I don't need a step ladder to take the measurements."

"Ha freaking Ha." Dean responded, "That just earned you the paintbrush so you can reach all the high spots you want."

"Jerk."

"Bitch."

"Ahem!" Bobby coughed.

The brothers spun around to see Bobby standing in the doorway to the living room, "If squabbling over who gets to play with what tools can sink a nail in the wall you two should be done by now."

"Oh, hi Bobby." Sam said.

Dean added, "We were just getting started." noting that the bag of peas Bobby pressed against his sore shoulder looked thawed.

"Well I'm goin in for a lie down and I wanna hear more hammering and less strategizing unless you two don't wanna eat tonight."

Dean walked over to the freezer and took another bag of peas out then moved over to Bobby and exchanged the thawed one for the fresh. "Thanks for thawing these out," Dean kidded, "can we have them with supper?"

Bobby couldn't help but smirk even with the pain the exchange cost him and he turned and shook his head as he left the room muttering under his breath. "Sure thing, you'll never guess where I'm gonna thaw out the rump roast."

Dean made a face and Sam snorted. But as soon as their friend rounded the corner they focused on the job at hand.

"Sammy bring one of those gigantic feet of yours over here and step on this tape will ya?" Said Dean as he squat down holding one end of the tape measure.

Sam huffed and said, "Move your hand." as he gingerly placed the edge of his sneaker over the tab of the tape to hold it down.

Dean slowly stood up extending the tape until it was an inch above the largest hole in the wall and he made a mark with his pencil. They worked together in silence as Dean drew the straight lines Sam would follow as his cut marks to square off the repair site. Then Sam started to cut along the lines to remove the uneven burnt areas and Dean went back out to the supply hut to cut the sheet rock using the measurements they'd worked out.

Sam finished the last trim off just as Dean came back with the first piece to fit in. Dean eased the piece in place and Sam tacked it in. Without a word Dean went off to cut the second size of sheet rock and Sam finished nailing the first in. When Dean came in with the second piece Sam placed the nail at the top and swung the hammer to tack it in place but missed and caught the edge of his thumb.

"Sonofabitch!" he hissed dropping the hammer that nearly missed Dean's foot.

"Hey watchit!" Dean said trying to avoid the hammer and at the same time keep his hands on the sheet rock. When he looked over to see if Sam was ok he blanched.

Sam was standing only inches away from him thumb in his mouth but his eyes had gone black!

Sam said, "Damit! That hurts worse than a bullet!" as he started to blow on the throbbing finger and then he looked over and saw the fear in Dean's eyes.

Dean looked away quickly but it was too late. Sam had seen his honest reaction. And he swallowed hard at the pain he saw that it had left on Sam's face.

Quickly changing the subject Dean chided, "Well, come on, I can't hold this up all day."

Sam slowly bent down to pick up the hammer and with one careful tap tacked the sheet rock in place. He didn't say a thing; he just nodded to Dean to go get the rest of the supplies. And then turned his back to nail the piece in place while Dean left.

Moments later Dean came back with the seam tape and Spackle. Each brother took a repair site and taped off the seams and spackled in silence. Once the spackle was dry tomorrow they could sand it smooth and paint it. Then the only way you could tell anything had happened would be the extra clean look of the fresh paint on that wall compared to the slightly yellow cast the others had from years of cooking.

When Dean was just about to finish applying the last bit of Spackle to his seam Sam spoke up.

"What if it doesn't work?" he asked.

Dean stopped moving the palette knife a second then said casually, "What if what doesn't work?" as he finished the seam.

"The Chelation Therapy," Sam asked and Dean looked up and saw the worry in Sam's eyes. His so familiar hazel eyes.

Dean quirked his head and said, "Then we'll think if something else."

"But what if there is no something else, what if there is no going back Dean?" Sam forced out.

Dean looked Sam square in the face and said, "Look, we'll find a way."

Sam rolled his eyes and said, "I saw you Dean, and you freaked for a moment there, when they turned again. What if I become a liability? Huh? What if you, for a split second, get distracted because I've turned demon-eyed and it gets you hurt.... or worse?" Sam's jaw muscles began to tighten up and he looked away.

Dean shook his head and wiped his hand down his face and said, "I'll get used to it, I got used to you growing a whole foot taller in one year in high school, eating everything in sight and yelling out in the middle of the night because of leg cramps and growing pains, this will be easy."

Sam looked down at the floor and bit his lip. "This isn't about growing UP, Dean, this is about growing INTO something else." And then he paused adding softly, "something I might never come back from." And worried hazel eyes flicked back at Dean, through his fringe of long hair, pleading to be understood.

"Sam, I get why you did what you did." Dean said in earnest, "and if this doesn't work... maybe the next thing will and if it doesn't and you gotta be like this forever then we'll deal alright? I mean I know you....and you didn't just decide to drink yourself so full of demon blood that it could change you... on a whim. I've seen you sweat over what flavor of fru-fru coffee to have in the morning so I know you didn't make the up your mind to take this chance... lightly."

Sam's face softened at that remark and he looked down again.

"Look," Dean sighed as he peeked up under Sam's downcast face. "Remember that time I tried to jump my bike over the oil barrels?"

Oh, Sam remembered that day. Dean had been inspired by the daredevil feats of Evil Kinevil and had rolled six empty oil barrels side by side and set up a ramp in the salvage yard to ride down and sail over them...only it didn't quite work out that way.

Sam rolled his eyes and said, "You broke your leg Dean."

"Right!" Dean agreed, "But I'd planned it, I thought I'd worked it all out and it would work and I figured even if it didn't it probably wouldn't hurt too bad."

"But you were wrong. It hurt like a motherfucker, the Drs. didn't even know if that leg would even continue to grow like the other one." Sam said tossing his palette knife back into the bucket.

"It sure did hurt," Dean mused, "I lost the whole summer on crutches for that move. The whole time you got to swim I had to sit on the sand and try to keep it outta my cast. It sucked. But I thought I had it all planned out, thought I'd covered all the bases. And I found out... the reason I think I was able to deal with it."

"Dean, what's your point? This isn't some stupid assed kid move that I did. And it could end up that I don't get to walk among normal men again-ever!"

"Like you ever did," Dean said softly with pride in his smile.

Sam couldn't help but smirk back; his brother's smile had always been infections to him. Then he shook his head, "Where you goin' with this?"

"I'm trying to tell you that you musta, in some way... deep down...known the risk and made peace with it long before you committed yourself Sam. And that deep reserve of resolve is waiting for you to tap into it... so you can deal with what ever happens as the result." Dean reached his hand up and clasped his brother's shoulder. "Sammy? Sam, you will always be my brother. It doesn't matter what happens, that's never gonna change. So bottom line is nothing changes between us. We might change over time; the war has already put us through more crap than we coulda ever guessed already. I'm not the same man I was before I went to hell and your not the same man you where either. But we're still us...in all the places that count and... we're still brothers...Ok?

Sam sighed,..."Kay"

"Now if it starts to make your farts stink worse that might be a problem" Dean snarked.

And Sam scooped up a dollop of the Spackle and flicked it at his brother; Dean ducked just as Bobby came into the room and it smooshed right in the middle of his chest instead.

Bobby looked down at the Spackle globbed on his shirt, and then up at the brothers staring back at him like two jacked deer and said evenly, "I take it you're done?"

Both Dean and Sam nearly pulled something trying not to laugh. Bobby grabbed the towel out of Sam's laugh quaking hand. And he cleaned himself off amid coughing fits and apologies from 'his' boys.

Once the noise in the room died down Bobby inspected the wall and told them it looked tolerable good and that he expected them to have it painted tomorrow and that he expected all the paint would be decorating the wall and not themselves-or him, then he sent them off to clean up and report back here to help make supper. Since he was after all a wounded chef.

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Any stranger watching the three men around the supper table that night would easily see the affection they had for each other. The camaraderie and hearty dashes of gruff love made every meal at Bobby's one that filled them like nowhere else.

They could relax around Bobby because he never pressured them to obey more than three rules- be safe, be true to themselves and try not to act like idjits as best they can. Which considering the 'be true to themselves' rule made the 'not being and idjit' dam near impossible for the two of them at least at one time or another.

Conversation always swung back and forth between hunts and memories of time spent here and this night was no exception.

Dean smirked and wiped his napkin over his lips asking, "Bobby remember that time I broke M'leg?"

Bobby stopped eating and put down his fork glaring at the older of the two, "Do I?!! That was the damdest fool thing you ever done!"

Sam brought his napkin up to his mouth to cover the dimples that refused to stay hidden as he fought to keep his face straight.

"I heard you yelp all the way down in the cellar," Bobby continued, "and when I saw you on the ground, leg all busted up and bone poking through..." Bobby winced at the memory, "it was the worst break they ever saw at that hospital." Bobby shook his head, "Every time I run into the Doc he asks about that idjit nephew of mine to this day."

Sam snorted into his napkin.

"I cleared four of 'em." Dean said with a little pride in his smile.

"I don't know how you even did that," Bobby grumbled, "with that old pieced together junk bike."

"I rode faster on it than it should have coz I souped it up with a ten speed gear assembly you had lying around." Dean chuckled.

Sam laughed, "Yeah, but the bike wasn't a ten speed it was, what, an old Sears Schwin, it was like a tank, Dean!"

"A very fast tank," Dean beamed pointing his finger up in the air for emphasis.

Bobby smirked. 'Well, you had a gift for being a fast learner with mechanical things; I'll give you that. But you got a hard lesson on inertia that day."

"And gravity," Sam added.

"The one law nobody breaks...for long." Dean grinned and raised his beer bottle up to toast.

All three huffed out a laugh and clinked their bottles together and downed a satisfying swig.

A companionable silence followed then Bobby told them of the calls he'd made.

"I spoke to Doc about where to find us a Chelation Therapy center," Bobby said as he cut his next slice of food, " and there's one about three hours out just across the state line. One of our people (by that he meant Hunter friendly) runs the place and he can get us in this weekend after hours."

Sam had stopped eating as soon as Bobby spoke and he cast a nervous glance over to his brother. Dean returned his gaze as he swallowed a fork full of supper and knew by the look on Sam's face that it was the 'all or never' moment they'd been talking about.

Putting his cheerful face on Dean replied, "Well, that's great!" and he nodded to Sam.

Sam blinked a couple of times at him then looked back to their friend and said, "Yeah, great Bobby...uh...Thanks."

Bobby scowled at the two of them and put his fork down again, "What?"

Sam was quick to respond, "Nuthin', just that its...so...soon. I mean I thought it would take longer tracking one down...is all"

Bobby glanced back at Dean looking at Sam while he spoke and the look Sam had in his eyes told the story. The boy was afraid. He was afraid of what he'd become and afraid this wouldn't work...or worse.

To Bobby, Sam had the same scared quality in his eyes that he did all those years back when they were waiting in the hospital for Dean to come outta surgery for the damn broken leg. A look that said he was worried that his world would be changed forever.

Bobby sighed, "Look, Sam... For what it's worth, the least that can happen is that it clean your arties outta all the junk food your brother's made you eat all your life."

"Hey!" Dean protested.

"Outta hook you up to one too, wouldn't do you no harm!" Bobby snapped. "But your blood 'd probably clog the filters!"

Sam smirked then said, "I'm ok Bobby, really...it's just that I'm..." He searched for the right word.

"Scared?" prompted the older hunter.

Sam shrugged. "Well...yeah."

Bobby picked up his fork and said, "You got every right to be."

Sam and Dean's eyes widened.

Bobby looked intently back at the both of them and said, "It's totally new territory boys, there's no telling fer sure what we can accomplish with this 'treatment'; we're asking a machine to do a physical cleanse of a spiritual matter. Might work, might not. But it's worth a shot."

"This friend of a friend who's running it, he know exactly why we need the treatment done on the QC?" Dean asked flat out.

Bobby shifted in his seat, "Not entirely, I told him it was a matter of a particularly aggressive possession. If wind got out of what your brother could do..." Bobby's gaze lingered on Sam's face once more, " I don't know how far under cover you boys would have to dig to git safe from all that'd be willing to come after ya." And the Winchester's both heard the slight shake in the last of their friend's words. Then Bobby cleared his throat and said more forcefully, "Now eat up, suppers getting cold and I expect you both to get your strength up for all that heavy painting you'll be do' in tomorrow making this kitchen nice and pretty. And he stuffed a fork full of the cooling supper into his mouth.

To be continued

Please review


	6. Chapter 6

No Going Back-Chapter 6

Don't own'em, just love'em, wish ta hell I worked for Kripke

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It took some convincing on Bobby's part to talk Dean into leaving the Impala behind on this trip. But what with Satan on the loose and his minions already out scouting the country side for the two of them, it didn't seem too prudent to be riding around in a car that was already associated with them.

Dean grudgingly concurred. He got into the passengers side of Bobby's spacious ol' parts van, tricked out with every conceivable protection ward the older hunter knew, and Sam got into the back. Sam knew as soon as he found he could really stretch his legs from where he sat on the extra wide bench seat, that this was gonna be one sweet ride for comfort. "Wow, Bobby there is so much room back here," He said as he stretched his arms out across the top of the seat and leaned back.

"Yeah, I sometimes hafta pullover and overnight in here on long delivery hauls," Bobby answered "and I wanted the comfort those big rigs have so I installed the bench/bed back there. I sleep like a baby on it too."

Sam's smile froze as he was running his hands over the comfortable sofa like seat imagining it reclined into a bed. His eyes flicked up to Bobby's in the rear view and he saw the serious look in them. The details of today's events were not lost on the older man, and if things didn't play out the way they thought, it would be a good long horizontal place to lay him down too.

And Sam jerked his hand away as if burned. He saw Dean look back at him with worry and Sam swallowed and looked out the window at the scenery flying by.

"_This is friggin great_," thought Dean as he turned his head back to watch the road getting eaten up before them. He focused his tried and true method of avoiding thinking about a worst case scenario by bitching about another_, "Not only do we not get to drive in M'girl-a pastime that gives me more than a little peace o'mind- but with the demons on alert mode we might have to give up on her as a ride for the time being. How long I wonder? Will she be another_ _casualty to this freaking war? Another home taken from us from those damn bastards!"_

"Dean!"

Sam's voice brought him back from that dark thought. Sam's voice could always reach him.

"Hmm..Wha?" Dean said turning to face the back seat.

"You were working your jaw muscles like you wanted to chew someone's head off." Sam said. "Chill, I'm gonna be fine."

Dean's foul mood evaporated and he huffed, "Yeah, and think how many Twinkies I'm gonna hafta feed you to get your cholesterol levels back to normal."

Sam's smile broadened until the full expanse of his dimples showed. "Nuh uh. This body is a temple and as soon as it gets its new lease on life your not getting your greasy junk food anywhere near it."

"Nah, it'd probably reject any fast food that comes even close, once it's too freakishly clean." Dean regretted saying that as soon as it came out of his mouth. He quickly looked to see how Sam took it.

Sam's dimples where gone. His face impassive. _'Well Hell'_ Dean thought, _open mouth insert foot. _

"Sam I.." Dean began.

"S'okay" Sam said softly. And looked out at the scenery again.

Dean turned back to the front and slumped down in his seat grousing at himself. _'Aw, Sammy, why'd ya hafta get stuck with such an idjit for a brother huh?'_

And Bobby turned the radio on to a hard rock station without looking at either one of them.

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The ride stayed quiet for a while, each man lost in his own thoughts. Dean looked out the passenger's side window, Sam was looking out of the van from the drivers side window and Bobby's eyes were glued to the road until a song came on the radio that started Dean humming. He wasn't really thinking of the lyrics until he heard Sam's voice from the back seat singing them softly: "We're not gonna take it, hell no, we're gonna make it. We're not gonna take it anymoooooooore."

And he smiled and in a loud two part harmony he joined his brother on the cheesy song. They rocked it out as loud as their vocal cords could sustain until Bobby snapped the radio off and shook his head at the two of them adding, "Well now that you two have kissed and made up I'm gonna switch to the local news an see if there's any Intel around the area we're going to."

Both Sam and Dean suppressed the urge to say "awwwwe" and wound up talking over each other to cover for it by saying, "Good plan." And "Yeah, couldn't hurt."

Bobby turned to the station and picked up a news broadcast already in progress: "One of the eye witness's said the Tornado came up before the warning sirens even turned on and from the random path it took, taking out the police, fire station, civil defense and most of the cell towers it will leave the town's basic services crippled for some time. Live from Valentine this is Gerry Hues."

The clinic they were driving to was just barely out side the disaster area. And all three men exchanged glances. They could tell this was no random natural event. Not with the targets being so specific. It was more like a tactical move to isolate and hamper the residents from getting aid.

Bobby turned to Dean and said, "Looks like the welcoming committee got there to greet us."

Dean scowled and asked, "Should we abort and head back?"

"Nah, this van will cover our scent as long as we're in it. But we gotta be extra careful." Bobby answered, "If there are demons around, and this looks to be a sign that there are, we gotta go in, git the procedure done and git out before they can pin point us." Then he nodded to the dash near Dean and asked, " Open up the glove compartment wouldja?"

Dean flipped the door open and stacked in front were three small hex bags.

Dean whistled as he took one out, "These the same that Ruby had?"

Sam scowled at the name.

"Nah, she didn't want to 'share' her exact recipe," Bobby said with some derision, "I had to reverse tech what was in 'em, but the ingredients are the same and I conjured on them the best cloaking against evil I knew, to keep us invisible to demons, so they should work pretty good-just probably not fer as long as hers." Then Bobby looked in the rear view mirror to the man on the back seat, "You ok with that?"

Sam's scowl deepened but he said, "I just want this stuff outta me, I don't want to have any lingering reminder of any of 'em being a part of me any more."

Dean noted the conviction in his brother's voice and solemnly said, "Then lets do this thing." And he passed one of the bags to his brother who slid it into his side pocket of his jeans and Dean and Bobby followed suit.

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As they pulled into the parking lot of the clinic they noted that there was only a block or two of undamaged area between them and the devastation the Tornado had done.

Dean thought, 'Close, but at least maybe for once the Winchester luck would work for them instead of against them and they just might be able to get Sammy the help he needs with out interruption.'

Bobby knocked on the back door in a series of taps signaling that they had arrived and the door opened to reveal a man with balding hair and a white Lab coat on.

"Hi, I'm Ned," Said the Lab tech whose thick glasses made his eyes appear huge.

"The Doc told me you'd be coming; you must be the Foresters."

Bobby stuck out his hand and shook Ned's and confirmed that he was the gentleman whose son, Sam, had a really bad case of possession that mysteriously comes and goes, he introduced Dean as his other boy Billy-Dean, and that he hoped this was gonna be an answer to his prayers.

"I sure hope so too Mr. Forester," Ned agreed as he guided them into the treatment room, "Though I've got to tell you, this will be a first time that Chelation therapy was used to "cleanse the body" of spiritual contamination, so I won't make any promises."

The room was small. There was a navy blue recliner with flat padded arms sitting between two large dialysis machines. One of the machines was connected to an IV drip stand with a waiting bag of clean blood hanging from it and the other connected to a deep portable therapy tub with water in the bottom of it.

He asked Sam to take off his flannel shirt. As Sam undid the buttons he looked at Dean who was standing nearby. It seemed to Sam that Dean wasn't breathing but just staring back at him his face frozen in that non-committal mask he wore when fighting off the worst fears. Sam passed him the shirt and climbed into the recliner and laid back. But even though his stark white T strained tight against his chest and his feet hung over the edge, when he laid his arms down, palms up, on the wide arm rests, he somehow appeared smaller to his worried brother.

And for a second, when the Tech pulled the Velcro straps tight over each arm to hold them in place; Dean's mind was plunged back to the memory of the last time he last saw his brother laid out before him like that, when he was being bled dry by Ghouls and he clutched the shirt Sam just gave him in his tightened fist.

Sam saw the look and nodded at Dean, "I'll be fine."

"Oh, this won't hurt him Billy-Dean," Ned said. "Even with the modifications we've made to address your brothers special condition the basic procedure will remain the same and it is quite painless."

"What special modifications?" Bobby said squinting at Ned.

The suspicious tone Ned picked up from the older man unnerved him for a moment and he stammered, "I uh...I suppose you've already gone the route of Exorcism?" he asked.

"Done that first," Bobby answered not really lying.

"Well, since the contamin...uh...contamination seems to go deeper we have to assume that it may make the blood removed...uh toxic as it were...so uh...we've modified the containment tub with holy water. There may be a reaction when the blood hits it. Like, smoke or the smell of sulfur but don't be alarmed. The holy water is there for your safety to nullify the uh....well, any traces of...uh...before we dispose of it in our usual procedure.

Dean looked at Ned and said, "You expecting any other pyrotechnics with that contact?"

Ned looked back at him, and his eyes appeared even wider than the effect of the glasses would normally do, he said nervously back, "Why? Is there any reason that I should?"

After a quick glance at Bobby Dean looked at Sam. He lingered on Sam's worried hazel eyes staring back at him. At this moment, this very moment Dean realized that it didn't matter to him any amount of demon blood his brother had, that he loved him as he was right now and he couldn't live if any medical snafu took him away forever.

And even as he felt this with all his heart another overriding thought took hold.

Sam's happiness, it was about Sam's happiness.

And that over-ruled every selfish need of happiness Dean had of his own. This was in many ways like Stanford Dean thought. Sam wanting normal so bad that he'd left the family, even left him behind. Dean shoved back the stab of pain that thought brought. Because it turned out to be the best years of Sam's life, and hell, it didn't matter what he wanted so much anyway, if keeping Sam safe was keeping him away from the things he loved, then screw it.

Just as his dad had been obsessed with finding and killing the demon that had killed mom, and that obsession had put them through things no kid should ever have to go through; Dean had always been obsessed with keeping Sam safe. Nothing was ever gonna change that, it had been his mission in life for too long. But if his obsessive drive to keep Sam safe kept his brother from taking this risk and doomed him to utter desolation... he just couldn't do that to Sam either.

'Sometimes you have to pony up the courage to let the person that means the most to you walk out of your reach of protection,' Bobby had said to him after Sam had started his college life, 'coz to do anything else would cause them damage.' And he knew that causing Sam damage was simply impossible for him to do too. _Not and option, no matter what the risk. _Dean sighed, he always erred on the side what would make Sam happy, always did and probably always would when it came to Sam. So his voice was tight and cracked when he asked Sam one more time for his own reassurance, "You want this...right?"

Sam couldn't answer, his throat was too dry at that moment so he just gave Dean a curt nod. And after a second Dean nodded back.

Bobby pulled up a chair to Sam's left and Dean parked himself between Sam and the holy water tub to his right.

Ned gave Dean a covered tumbler fitted with a straw and asked if he could let Sam sip every five minutes or so he wouldn't become dehydrated and Dean was glad to have something he could do to make this easier for his brother.

After seeing to it that the Foresters were comfortable; Ned went over to Sam's left arm and inserted the needle that would allow the clean blood to flow in. Then he went behind the machine and turned it on. The first machine acted like a pump drawing in the clean blood. Sam felt first the pinch of the needle as it bit into his skin then he felt the cool sensation of the room temperature blood beginning to flow into him.

Next Ned moved over to Sam's right arm, and after dodging a scowl from Dean, inserted the needle that caused the 'contaminated' blood to flow out of Sam and into the machine that made the first cleanse before it was shunted it into the waiting holy water tub.

"There now Sam," Ned said as he stood beside the prone Winchester, "That would be the worst of it, having the needles inserted."

Sam looked stoically up to the man and nodded his head.

Ned continued, "You may notice a sensation of coldness from the cooler than body temperature clean blood flowing in." Ned looked over to Bobby and said, "We have warmed blankets that you can drape over him if he gets chilled." And the tech turned back to Sam, " you tell us won't you if you need one ok?"

"Kay" said Sam and then added, "I'd like one now actually."

Bobby got up and placed the light but warm blanket over Sam. As he did so he thought of all the times he had tucked the boys in when they was young'uns. And he found himself needing to swallow suddenly. Sam saw the moment of a pained expression cross Bobby's face and not knowing what else to do he offered a "Uh, Thanks," to him. Bobby locked eyes with him for a heartbeat then the older hunter reached over and ruffled his hair saying gruffly, "That's for being an idjit in the first place." Then Bobby sat back in his chair and looked down at the floor.

Sam stared at him then looked over to Dean and raised eyebrows in a' did you see that?' gesture but Dean were busy pressing his lips together trying not to smirk. After a second Dean added, "He just calls 'em as he sees 'em Sammy"

Bobby looked up and said to Dean, "You're not out of it clean either."

And Dean's eyebrows shot up in an exaggerated look of 'what did I do?' And that expression made Sam's dimples begin to show.

Ned had replaced the second bag of clean blood and Sam was now working on his third when Ned opened the shunt on Sam's right arm and turned the machine on that would allow the tainted blood to begin flowing out of Sam and into the Chelation machine.

Just a few moments later Sam's demon blood began to hit the holy water in the tub. The first thing they noticed was the soft sizzling sound, followed by a slight cloying smell of sulfur then as the steam rose Dean jumped off his chair holding his nose and announced, "Dude, you reek!"

"Sorry," Sam huffed perturbed his brother would be so cold. "It's not like I can do anything about it." He said and the hurt was evident in his voice.

Dean let his hand fall from his nose and stopped. Sam was genuinely hurt from that little comment. Then he watched as Sam turned his head away from him. In the past ten months since Dean came back from hell they had said far worse things to each other and Sam hadn't registered one emo moment. And now... a little mention of him stinking up the place and he gets all chick flick...

Then it hit Dean, the demon blood! Sam was down a quart and just that little bit being out of his system was returning him back to his sensitive, pain in the ass, emo brother.

Dean clapped his hand on Sam's shoulder and said, "Hey, lookit me wouldja?"

Sam slowly turned his head to face Dean. He had his bitchface on and it made Dean begin to smile. "What's the first thought that came into your head when I said that?"

Sam pouted, "That you're a A-1 jerk."

Dean's smile broadened. "And the second?"

Sam looked confused for a moment then his face began to crumple in on itself, "That you... gave up everything for me ...and went and...and left me....left me alone and I couldn't do anything to get you back, I'm....I'm so sorry Dean! I've been a shit to you since you came back because I was afraid... afraid that if I ever let you...be my brother again...an somethin' happened, coz you were around me...it would be my fault...every one I love always gets hurt by being around me...especially you Dean...its always my fault that you're always getting hurt. How can you watch out so much for me and never watch out enough for yourself?" Sam 's torrent of emotion wound down into soft hiccups.

Bobby stood up and told Dean to back off. He was handed a cool wet cloth by Ned and started to smooth it over Sam's face as Sam protested.

"No....No it's true Dean," Sam sputtered between the passes of the cloth, "you've given everything for me.....how can I ever...(hiccup) how do you think that makes me feel huh?..Stopit will ya Bobby!!" Sam yelped at his friend for wiping the cloth over his tear stained face.

"I'll stop as soon as you quit yelling at your brother." Bobby groused back. "Don't you think he knows it makes you crazy when he takes a hit for you? He can't help himself from do'in that any more than you can help want'in him to stop. It's just in him to do for you Sam and you gotta learn to accept that about him."

Dean was speechless as he stood there listening to Bobby explain to Sam why he did what he did. He'd only just figured it out himself, and was bowled over to hear that Bobby'd figured it out about him out long ago. Huh?

"Emotional outbursts are to be expected as his body adjusts." Ned said while he strung up the next bag of clean blood and swiftly one after that.

Dean stepped up next to Sam and reached down to his arm and touched it with two fingers. "So'kay Sammy" He said his own eyes starting to fill, "So'kay, shhhh. I am a jerk, I gotta let you...take over more often, gotta stop bein' so bossy sometimes."

"Don't..." Sam choked trying to smile and fight tears at the same time, "Don't...change on my account."

Dean grinned at him, "Well, it won't be easy, and I won't....all at once... but somethings..yeah."

Sam grinned back and even though his dimples were still filled with the rivulets of his tears, his smile was brilliant.

"Last bag." announced Ned as he hooked it up to the IV tube. As the bag of clean blood emptied into Sam's arm Ned shut off the shunt on the expelling IV then shut down that machine. He then hooked Sam's right arm up to the Chelation machine that had been acting only on pump mode and reconfigured it into full function. "Now we'll add the DHL" he said as he inserted a syringe into the catheter of last of the clean blood, " and that will loosen plaque build up and help with the purifying process to let the Chelation therapy truly begin"

"How long do you need to circulate his blood through that for it to be cleaned?" asked Bobby.

"Since we don't even know for sure if the Chelation will have any effect besides the normal cleanse I wouldn't risk anymore than a half hour. "I'll just go get the instructions for after treatment care." he said. As he left for the front office Dean stepped up to Sam with the water cup so he could sip a while and Bobby sat back down.

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Ned was just stapling the last of the instructions together when he saw a man come through the front door; it was the janitor. That struck Ned as odd since he wasn't scheduled to come in this weekend. "Hey, Greg I didn't expect to see you today."

Greg gave him a quirky smile and walked right up close to him, 'too close' thought Ned. "What's up? Uh, anything I can do...." Ned began but he never got to finish his thought because Greg put one hand over his mouth and with other stabbed him in the back. Ned made a soft gurgling noise and slumped to the floor.

Then Greg opened up his own mouth impossibly wide and a column of black smoke came billowing out and into the dead Techs. Greg's empty shell slid slowly down to the ground beside Ned's and for a second the stillness in the room was deafening.

After a moment Ned's body began to rouse itself. The demon that had possessed the late janitor, and now possessed the late Tech, stood and rolled Ned's shoulders. It made a face and reached around Ned's back bringing his hand forward covered in his blood. This would never do. A quick glance around and it spied a lab coat hanging on the nearby coat rack and it quickly tore Ned's off and replaced the clean one on itself.

Then it stood still and closed Ned's eyes as it made a quick probe of the memories of its new host. Its mind found what it was looking for and the newly occupied Ned moved over to the small refrigerator and retrieved a Saline drip bag. It bent over Greg's corpse again and roughly fished a small vial out of one of the pockets. Carefully donning gloves lest a drop of the contents spill on it, it took a syringe and drew out the holy water that was in the vial and injected it into the Saline solution. It held the bag up and the light from the window made the liquid in the bag nearly glow. It grinned in way that looked unnatural for Ned's face and thought 'Show Time.'

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Ned reentered the treatment room and began to replace the almost empty bag of blood with the Saline solution. "Just this last infusion of Saline and holy water to make sure you are hydrated enough and to cleanse any residual taint from your system." He said almost too cheerily.

But as Ned hooked up the Saline bag something in Sam's bones told him this was not a good idea. The lab coat Ned left with fit well and now Ned had on one that was way too small, as Ned reached over Sam's head to attach the drip on the IV hook Sam saw under the coat and there was a massive red stain that had the coppery smell of blood spreading over the back of his shirt.

"I don't think that will be necessary, will it?" Said Sam as he looked from Ned to Dean.

Dean saw the look of fear cross his brother's face and stepped in to intervene when Sam began to scream.

"AAAAAghhhh! It burns! It burns! Get it outta me! Dean make it stop!!!"

Bobby was up and out of the chair and in a flash made a leap toward one of Sam's arms to rip the needle out as Dean pulled out the other one. Sam was wracked in pain and his eyes immediately turned solid black. The new Ned stepped back appreciating the confusion through his own obsidian eyes.

Dean had his arms around a writhing Sam; he yelled at the tech "What the hell!" glaring over Sam who was snapping the restraints as he convulsed in pain.

"What the hell indeed Dean." Said Ned calmly back.

Both Dean and Bobby stopped their grappling of Sam to look over and see a demon-possessed tech leaning back on the counter; arms crossed as it smugly looked out from Ned's dead face.

"Sammy, Sammy, Sammy" the demon said shaking his head. We give you the gift of all that power and you purge it out of yourself like it was some kind of lead poisoning or something-how ungrateful!"

Sam had slowed in his spasms of pain but could barely control the rage that rushed through his body. He rose up, pushing away the restraining hands of his brother and friend and hissed, "It was no gift, it took the best part of me and drowned it in dispassion."

"Not so, we merely dulled those useless emotions so that you could better focus on the matter at hand, and you did a fine job Sammy, even if it was only done at the last moment."

"It's SAM"

"What ever."

"You got what you wanted," Sam snarled, "Your boss is free."

"Oh, but that was only part of the plan," the demon said, "Now I've come to collect what belongs to hell so the real party can begin." And with a raise of his hand both Dean and Bobby were flung back to the wall and pinned there. "You're of no use to us now Sam," it laughed, "Let the angels take you and be done with you." It said. "All we want of Earth is Dean and the rest of you be damned." It began to raise its hands again when Sam suddenly sprang up from the chair and made a clutching motion with his fist.

The demon's eyes went wide and it began to sink to its knees, "How...can...impossible...you...purged..." it's voice began to choke and gag and black smoke oozed out of its mouth and nose, ears and eyes then... THUD... Ned's corpse fell to the floor and began to burn.

Bobby and Dean slid harmlessly to the floor and Sam spun around to face them.

He seemed bigger, his breath was coming in heavy pants and his eyes were bottomless black pits. He took one halting step toward them then two, then reached out for the treatment chair and fell forward into it.

Dean rushed over to him and gently pulled his head up with both hands, "Sammy, Sammy!! You in there? Talk to me!"

"D-Dean?" Sam blinked his eyes and looked up trying to focus on the fuzzy, vaguely familiar, worried face above him.

Dean anxiously peered into confused hazel eyes and reassured them, "I'm right here Sasquatch. I gotcha." He moved his hand in front of his brothers face saying, "How many fingers?"

Sam grimaced at the movement as it was making him nauseous and he pushed Dean's hand away, "Quit it."

Bobby came over and put his hand on Sam's shoulder, "Son, can you stand? We best be going, no tellin who might want to drop in next to visit."

Sam nodded his head and waving assistance away shakily stood. For a minute both brothers stared at each other then Sam squinted tired eyes and said, "Didn't work Dean."

Dean's mouth twitched, as he looked sadly back then he put his hand up on his brother's shoulder, "S'okay, We'll try somthin' else."

"No," Sam said and shook his head slowly, "I don't wanna."

Dean looked seriously at him and said. "No reason to give up now?"

"I didn't change back, because I'm not going to." Sam said back wearily.

"Course you will boy," Bobby chimed in.

"No Bobby... I won't." Sam said sadly and he turned to Dean saying, "I get what Ruby said when she made that Dumbo reference, when she said I never did need the black feather. I probably could do this all the time I just didn't have the training. The demon blood? That was only masking my feelings about how much I was hurting my family so she could get me to train regularly despite what you told me Dean. It blocked out your voice so I could only hear hers."

Then Sam held up his hands to Dean, "These? I always had the power in me to use these. It's been there since I was a baby, just waiting for the right training, it's what I am; its what I was always meant to be."

"But you're not one of them!" Dean protested, "You're not a ...a..."

"Monster? Demon? Sam said softly. "No, I'm not."

Dean's eyes glinted fiercely, "You're my brother."

Sam smiled weakly, "Yeah...but I'm also this." He said spreading his arms wide.

Dean's chin began to quiver and he huffed, "I'm so godamned proud of you Sammy, don't you ever think otherwise."

"I won't Dean, it's... its just that I gotta think of this as a...well, not a curse like I did before, but more like... something that'll give us an edge. I'm gonna find a way to use this, to keep you and Bobby safe from them, to use this against them until we can figure things out ok?"

Dean looked at his brother. Sam was standing in front of him asking him permission to save them, it was just so...Sammy. Relief over getting his brother back washed over him with such a rush it was like a tsunami and he grabbed him up in a hug that made him go "Humph!" with surprise, "Sure thing Sam,'bout time you put some effort into saving my ass for a change."

"OK, ok-alright, let go!" Said Sam with a dimpled grin. "Jerk"

"Bitch"

Bobby rolled his eyes, "Idjits"

The End.

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